Yesterday’s blog was only part of the convo with Oh Wise One that set me straight. I asked her to recap our conversation in her words. She speaks a lot from experience, which breeds wisdom and she is a strong woman of God so I don’t take much that she says lightly. I called her because the past couple of weeks have been rough for me. I have been dealing with emotions that have been next to impossible to put into words. While I stayed in prayer, I thought it might be a good idea to reach out to someone, that could walk me through my thoughts. I stuttered and sputtered for minutes and was sure I sounded crazy! Well she must speak my brand of idiot because from my stammering, she heard my heart and helped me in a lot of ways. I’m struggling because I don’t feel as free as I want to be, I’m still dealing with insecurity, and I don’t feel…joy (if that’s the right word).
I cannot tell you when your joy will come, because God is doing something in you and He is taking you through a process. You have been hurt and because you have a wound, it will take time to heal. But, what I can tell you from experience is that you have to go through the process for complete healing to take place. It is like surgery, and you have asked God to remove the residue from the damage that has been done. Well, in order for him to do that, He has to go inside of you to remove it—-no, it does not feel good because your wound is open right now. In addition to this, because your wound is open, God will remove any other residue that is there; that you may not have even known was there…again, it is a process. I cannot tell you how many women fail to go through the healing process, because it’s uncomfortable, it hurts, and because they are spinning their wheels because they want to be vindicated—they want their spouse to feel their pain. Women fail to understand that men are not emotional beings and that they hardly ever show their emotions through this process. Therefore, you often hear women say things like “he seems to be fine”, “he doesn’t understand”, “he is going on with his life like nothing happened.” And, many women do not realize that it is not about the man, or for that matter, us (because I have been there too). Ultimately, it is about God and fulfilling purpose in Him, but this does not come without a process. The moment we became Christians, we gave God permission to do as He will in our lives, and this is not easy. I encourage most women to ask themselves in the process, are you willing to go through this process because you want God to change your husband? You may say, well that is part of it—-and it is, but that should not be all of it. You are having surgery, not your husband, and you may not see him change right away, but don’t focus on that, focus of YOU and YOUR HEALING PROCESS, and allow God to be God.
We as women have to learn how to use our authority in Christ and not allow the devil to defeat us. This authority has been given to us through Christ and we have to use it. The enemy is intentional in his attacks on our lives, and if we allow him too, he will wreak havoc in our lives every single day. We cannot be ignorant to the devices of satan, we have to ask God for discernment so that we can see the enemy coming and rebuke him. This is not easy to do all the time, but it comes with exercise. You have to get to a point where you are intentional in your actions and not allow the enemy to defeat you. We live in a world where too many Christians live a defeated life. Each day that the enemy can keep you depressed, oppressed, focused on the wrong things, angry, bitter, insecure, and on and on…is another day that he has taken away your authority in Christ, thus preventing you from focusing on building up God’s Kingdom. The enemy cannot take away what God has put inside of you (the authority), but he can change your reality (what you see), to defeat you. You have to take authority of your reality in the spirit and begin to command what should be.
God is using you to help other women who for so long have been embarrassed to speak about being a victim of adultery. Because you are helping others, the enemy does not like that, and he is intentional in trying to keep you discouraged in the process. After all, who can you help if you are defeated? Because of this, you have to be intentional in exercising your authority in Christ, and going through being uncomfortable, hurt, wounded…going through surgery. So, again, I cannot tell you when your joy will come, but I can encourage you through this process so that you can be where God intended…VICTORIOUS! For now, go through the process and allow God to do what He needs to do in you and through you…
See why I talk to her?! And predictably so, the attacks came soon after that. I know I am on the right track. Her words were the confirmation that I needed to hear! Although it seems to be much easier to throw in the towel and walk away, I know if I stay faithful, I will reap my harvest of awesomeness.
Write ya later! :-)