Matthew 5:43-44 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy’. But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,” NIV
I told you guys how she-devil keeps showing up at church. This has absolutely boggled my mind. Why? Why is she there? Are “they” back together? Did they just make eye contact? Is she trying to get his attention? Does he feel anything when he sees her? The questions are endless and there are NO answers, let me tell you! I really began to check myself, because I found myself in half praise, half worship, half paying attention. That just wastes my time and disrespects God, neither of which I am interested in doing. God has done way too much for me to give Him half anything, plus we already know how He feels about lukewarm things. When I stand in church, I feel the daggers she stares through the side of my head. Whenever I pass her section, I feel the heat.This has all taught me to fight that much harder to keep my eyes on Him!
I have talked with Oh Wise One and Friend Sarcastic extensively about her being there. I have bound her on earth, (because she is sin personified, right?), I have prayed with sweat and tears and blood, Lord Jesus of Nazareth please keep her away! Some women have the unfortunate pleasure of dealing with a baby from the adulterous relationship. I applaud those women! I know that this could not be my mission. I don’t need reminders. I do my best living in the few seconds that I can forget. So I wouldn’t do well being tied to her in anyway for the next 18+ years. In fact, I counted down the months after I found out about their ‘relationship’, making sure she didn’t show up with baby news. When month 4 came and went I exhaled slightly. The point is, I don’t need to see her. She and I have talked extensively (another blog for another time) and there is nothing left to say.
Friend Sarcastic has offered that maybe I’m missing something. I still have a lesson to be learned. I told her to shut up. How many lessons should I have out of this one horrific (almost) year?! How many times should I smile and laugh and act all casual when really I wan to combust when she is around? Lord I have done everything I hear you saying to do, yet I still gotta look at her?! Lord she is my enemy, you said you would deliver me from my enemies, put this enemy behind me! Then here comes Oh Wise One. I felt led to talk to her because she has been in my shoes. Her boyfriend, who is now her husband, cheated while they were dating. She was so healed from this that they got married and have a family. Talk about hope! So I figured she would know where I was coming from. And she did! I grunted through my feelings with incomplete sentences and tears and silence and she got it all! A friend of mine recently preached and he said there is nothing like talking to someone who has been where you are and who is now where you are trying to go! SO TRUE!
When I got done with my story she was sympathetic, empathetic, she felt me! She got me! She even agreed the likelihood that God wants me to stay in that worship setting with her is very slim! I know God doesn’t want me there! I told her that I was praying to be removed from that church. For one, too many people know and those same people approved of their ‘relationship’. I view them as enemies to my marriage. (SN: it amazes me how dumb church folks can be. There is a very REAL danger in going against God. “…therefore what God has joined together, let no man separate” Matthew 19:6. Their punishment for this will be real. Yet these same folks treat me like I tried to steal her husband, not speaking, keeping up mess. Yeah, ok….). She said she would be praying with me. I felt a little relieved. I had some help praying in this area, I had someone who understood me. I figured we would end the convo in prayer and then I would go snack, enjoy some cool, refreshing lemonade and enjoy the warm weather! Then she hit me with a “Let me ask you…”. I said to myself “girl run! Lest ye be entangled in a convo you really want no part of!”. I almost made up an excuse to get off the phone. I probably would have but she didn’t pause to give me the chance. She continued with a “Have you prayed for her soul?” *insert that screeching car noise you hear on television when someone says or does something so desperately wrong! PRAY FOR WHOSE WHAT NOW?!
Now let me backtrack. I told you how months earlier, Jesus kindly whispered into my battered soul that I need to forgive her. Ok. I did that. Fast forward a couple of months and she had the nerve to ask my forgiveness. Ok. I told her I forgave her (again another blog for another time). Now I have to pray for her? Didn’t I just tell ya’ll I did that when I bound her on earth?! Oh Wise One laughed, called me crazy, then led me right back to where God wanted me. And I was mad! She went on to explain that we have to love everybody (she can talk a little country sometimes so it came out evrahbohday) with the love of Jesus. Well slap me indignant! No I will not be praying for her soul. Because once again I am being asked to go over and beyond while she sits in the back of the church looking like satan’s spawn, acting like I have wronged her! You want me to cook her meals and clean her bathrooms too?! Needless to say we stayed on the phone for an hour longer. She had many encouraging things to say to me, many helpful things, and I knew God was using her to talk to me. If I wanted complete healing from this, which is the ultimate goal, then I had to be obedient to God. And what does God say? Well, read my opening verse!! I guess Friend Sarcastic was right, I did have another lesson to learn. And Oh Wise One showed me which one.
After our conversation I had some confessing to do. I was angry, I was hurt, things were not going swell at home and to top things off, this! I was tired! But I prayed one simple line for her (ewww!), and then went on about my day. Do ya’ll know she showed up that next Sunday! God you are FUNNY! Same routine, same daggers, even made some bold moves to be close to him. First I was thinking, Dear Lord, did I not pray her away?! Then I thought, Oh yeah! Pray FOR her. Ok! Dear Lord I pray for her ratchet, wretched, ugly, evil, demonic soul. Pretty sure He didn’t hear that one but eventually I did get it right. I didn’t spend hours in prayer, and I wont unless that is what He instructs. If I could be more spiritual and less physical for a moment, there is something wrong with her that only God can fix, and it’s called crazy. I don’t want one less jewel in my crown because I was disobedient in praying for her. I don’t want to come up short in any way because of her. And I definitely want 100% healing from all of this. So I will keep praying for her, which is helping me. Hopefully it will get easier because right now it’s every bit of ugh and heck no! If He ever decides to bind her on earth, I won’t be mad!
Write ya later! :-)
- shefinallywrites posted this