Writing out my Rehab

Ok how’s this for a little transparency:

We were kidless on a weeknight. Anyone who has kids knows, when the kids are away, the parents do play. Grandma to the rescue! She took them for the weekend, and we had the house to ourselves. So we hung out, talked, laughed, held hands, all the things that lovers do. However, when it came time to the actual lovin, I panicked. You see, I am back in spanx.

Not my marriage (happy face), but me (sad face). Let me explain. I am working crazy hours, going to school, plus church…I have a lot on plate! Which has made me put a lot on my dinner plate! I’m snacking on whatever I can get my hands on because 9 times out of 10, I wont have time to sit down to a real meal. And working out is a sacrifice I haven’t quite mastered. (Sometimes I feel like if I get up any earlier, I may as well not even go to sleep!) So, yes spanx. I felt so self-conscious. I’m no six pack kind of girl theses days. And while my marriage has come a long way (leaps and bounds) I still hear some of the negative things he once said to me while in my big girl phase (we shall refer to those as the crazy years).

SO…..I went to bed in my spanx tank. And he thought we had entered “the crazy years, part deux”. He couldn’t understand why I still had it on. And I couldn’t find the words to explain. He is no dummy, so he knew I was feeling self conscious. In a world full of  36, 24, 36’s I just felt like my numbers didn’t add up. And he wanted to TALK about it! Imagine me, face down in the pillow, spanx tank firmly in place, in tears. Big shout out to the husband. It’s gotta be hard to watch your woman cry and not know how to comfort her. To feel like the tears came out of nowhere, and know he was not responsible for them.  My actions did nothing to counteract the whole “they are an emotionally irrational being” school of thought. He said all the right things. He encouraged me as a husband should. High five to him!

It was this Ephesians 2:10 NLVverse  that resonated in my heart the next day, when I searched myself as to why I reacted that way. The fat didn’t come overnight. It didn’t magically appear. It’s just that I, like most woman, have body image problems. “For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago”.

All knowing, perfect, wise, loving God saw fit to create me. And call me His Masterpiece. That is a heavy word. Think about it for a second. Masterpiece. Famous paintings, sculptures, rare cars, rare jewelry,  that are considered masterpeices are priceless, valuable. The dictionary describes masterpeice as: A work of outstanding artistry, skill, or workmanship. An artist’s or craftsman’s best piece of work.

Remember God is the potter and we are the clay? (Isaiah 64:8). The perfect artist made me, and I am a work of art. I realized that I need to hold my head high! Why? Because I am God’s masterpiece (does this masterpiece need to put down the masterpiece chicken and do a crunch or two? YES! Because I have to keep this masterpeice up!)

I do realize there is a much deeper meaning for this verse. I know that God has equipped us for a purpose. I am still dealing with that meaning of the verse, as I realize more and more my purpose. But I wanted to show you all this view of the verse. There are so many of us whose extra poundage makes us hang our head in shame. If it’s not weight, it’s something. This is too small, this is too big, acne, too short, too tall, knock knees, freckles, near sighted, far sighted…the list is endless. Don’t allow those physical things to hold you back from seeing your beauty in Christ! If you can work on it, then work on it. If you are stuck with it for life, then realize that YOU make that thang cute! Everytime you pass a mirror, you say to yourself “Hey fly girl! You are God’s masterpiece!” You put a little sashay in those hips and have a great day in Jesus! And by all means, DO NOT let it ruin a kid free night with your husband! DUH!!

Let’s talk tomorrow! :)

So picture it: It’s the weekend after my tasteless Thanksgiving. Hubby, kids and I are all bundled up. The plan was to catch the train downtown, as the city was preparing to light the BIG Christmas tree. All week the temps stayed in the 60’s. But leave it to the bi-polar weather to take a nose dive the day I am scheduled to stand outside. It was a gazillion below zero! The kids were excited to go so, me and my cold and my handicapped taste buds went along with the program. The things we do for our kids, right?

On the train the four of us laughed and talked and sang! It was so much fun. Of course, we were the loudest on the train but it felt like we were the only ones on the train. When we got off, two women approached us and laughingly exclaimed that we were the happiest family that they had ever seen. I can not tell you how that made me feel. That was probably the first time that we were complimented that way and it was actually true. We were happy. All four of us! At the same time! No on was faking or putting on for the sake of the kids. It was authentic!! We weren’t faking it till we made it. If I were not a germaphobe I would have hugged both of these women!That was such an encouragement.

We get downtown and all we did was laugh and clown around some more. We danced (much to my kids chagrin) we sang loudly, we drank bad coffee (they had cocoa), we shivered, we “familied”. At one point, the husband grabbed me to slow dance as Nat King Cole crooned a Christmas carol. He whispered into my ear the exact thing I had been thinking.This time last yearI had told him it was over. We were getting ready to go see the Christmas light display (it’s a tradition), and I felt like he was still cheating( he wasn’t). I told him I could not take it anymore and that it was over. One of our kids had a birthday coming up, and then there was Christmas, neither of which I wanted to taint with divorce. So I told him January 1, 2012, be prepared for a call from my lawyer. I was never more serious about anything in my life. Just as sure as I am beautiful, I had a lawyer on speed dial and I was ready to use it! Done! Finito! So serious! And a year later we were slow dancing in the middle of the square. That’s God. And that’s beautiful. He makes all things new, in His time. I stayed in that moment, thankful (and sick). Through all the pain, the heartache, through the death of my marriage came the birth of a blessed marriage.

AND DON’T YOU KNOW 30 SECONDS LATER, THE ENEMY TRIED IT?!?! I heard someone say awww, and I look up ready to smile demurly for the audience and who do I see? The whore (May God bless her ratchet soul). Ok well, it wasn’t her. But she could have easily been her twin. I did a quadruple take, while simultaneously covering many bases in my head: he would see her, what would that spark in him? Will my kids see her kids and immediately start to play? How will I break that up? How will I crack her face with all these witnesses? How would I explain to my kids the words that I would call her? SO much to consider. In what seemed like an eternity, but was really only mere seconds, I realized that she was a total stranger, and I began to breathe.

I’m gonna SIDENOTE you for a second here, because I have to say, I wish there was a way for him to truly understand how situations like that make me feel, without actually wishing that kind of panic on him. I don’t want him to hurt. At lease now I don’t. There was a time when I was strategically planning his hurt….but I digress. I just want to feel like he truly gets it. I’m probably not explaining this properly. I want her to feel all of it (May God bless her ratchet soul). Every last bit of it. But again, I digress.

Anyway, once I was able to breathe, I instantly understood why she was there. She was the innocent one who was being used to throw me off focus, thereby throwing us off track. Had I allowed her presence to ruffle my feathers the way the enemy wanted, we just might be sitting on opposite ends of the court right now. Yes, it is still that serious! But I prayed, and kept my cool. There were thoughts of, what if he finds this girl attractive? Will they exchange numbers when I’m not looking? Is he aroused by her? Questions like that lead to self doubt! While I wish that I didn’t have those thoughts at all, I no longer punish myself for having them. I am human, I have been hurt, and I am allowed on edge moments. It’s what I do with those moments that count most. I am proud to say for the last month or so, and especially downtown that day, I have been able to send those thoughts right back to hell. Instead I force myself to think on good things. And the good thing is the God that I serve looks out for me. I trust Him to protect my heart. I love my husband. I trust him enough to show him my weaknesses. That girl at the Christmas lighting is a weakness, not because of who she is (we don’t know her) but what she represents. I just can’t look at that face. And I won’t apologize for it. He didn’t abuse that weakness. He covered it with his actions, letting me know he was there with me. She was a non factor, not an issue.

It’s so easy to get in your feelings and run with it. At least for me. I’ve always been a bit of a spitfire. Once it’s in my head that I should be hurt, offended, whatever, I go with it. I try my best to hurt back, then take names. If you got caught in the cross hairs, it’s kind of an “oh well” for me. God has calmed all that down. While I was so busy yelling and screaming that God needed to change him, I got a few tweaks done as well. I’m thankful for all the changes that have taken place in both of us. I’m thankful that I spent this year’s tradition in his arms, instead of at his throat. I’m thankful that I waited on God. The enemy tried it, but God blocked it!

Write ya later! :-)

Isn’t it funny how you can look back at a situation and see clearly the setup God was orchestrating? When we first attended the church that I do not like, the church where he met her, (May God bless her ratchet soul), well let’s just say I was never a fan. It was a step up from where we were. But I was still searching for something in church that I just was not getting. A miserable place to be, let me tell you. Anyway, had I stayed in that miserable mindset I would have missed a very special blessing. Let me explain:

My parents separated when I was young. I never witnessed a good, healthy marriage. I never witnessed the love a husband and wife should share. I witnessed the exact opposite, which warped my view on marriage. My husband’s parents are still married. However, listening to him recount some stories, he didn’t witness the goodness of I DO either. So here we are, two married folk, with a bad taste for marriage in our mouths, no real examples of what God intended for marriage, and no one to get advice from. Enter the Deacon and his wife. I can’t even pinpoint when we began to get to know them. I am just so thankful that we did. This man, Deac, LOVED his wife, you hear me? More than the way I love my thanksgiving dinner, more than most women love their shoes. I’m talking, Godly love, friendship love, adoration/respect love. And if you could hear all the stories of their daughter, Friend Sarcastic, walking in on them when love became an action word you would know, sexual love as well. Their friendship was real. They always had great energy, they laughed, they readily changed for each other, accommodated each other. Did they argue? Sure! They faced real issues, real arguments, real adversities, but when it was all said and done, he was down for her and she was down for him. A real life example of a good, Godly marriage. Hubby and I often talk about how thankful we are that we had a chance to know them, to call them family, to witness them. They taught us so much, probably without ever knowing.

But God did not just stop at one example. He also gave us instructors in our marriage class. These two were so joined at the hip!! You never saw one without the other. He was the head, she was the rib, and they worked so well together as one. They were sointoeach other, so in tuned with each other, it was at times, uncanny to watch. They were friends, partners, and lovers. A couple of times in class I think theyalmostforgot we were there and almost made out! They showed us that marriage is truly teamwork. And their team cared about our team. They knew the struggles we were facing before the class even started. They knew that while other couples were fighting over failed birthday party attempts, dating issues, mama’s boys and controlling women, we were simply fighting to keep our heads above water. Their prayer for us were real, their words were always gentle and encouraging. Their love, their ways, was a true reflection of Jesus. Did they argue? Sure! They shared many stories of the way they used to argue. They also shared stories of how they learned to effectively settle disagreements. They taught us how to communicate. They showed us where our priorities should be, as it pertains to our marriage, arguments, and our family. And they showed us how to focus on the bigger picture, rather than stay stuck on angry (which we were a lot).

Mrs. Deac taught me the importance of not losing myself, and the greater importance of blending with my husband. She showed me that I should use my strengths but always show love. She showed me the importance of being his cheerleader, and him being mine. They out loved each other (if that makes sense). And she showed me that sarcasm was cool!! Mrs. Teach taught me that it’s ok to be soft and gentle with my husband (I can be a hard one, in case you haven’t noticed). She showed me the importance of trusting him enough to give him the most vulnerable pieces of me. She showed me that my husband was not my enemy (two hard lessons to learn when his affair sat between the two of us like a big fat disgusting rhinoceros). She showed me the importance of letting him lead and to always show love. They both taught me that a diligent, deliberate heart for God and prayer changes things. They taught me about faith.

Both of these women went home to be with the Lord recently. My heart aches at the loss of both of them. But I can rejoice in knowing I will see them again. If it’s two people that I know made it through those pearly gates, it’s these two! Because of these two, I am determined to be a better woman, a better wife, a better lover, a better friend.

God placed both of these marriages in our marriage at just the right time, when we were ready to learn and willing to do what it took. Both of these marriages have blessed us beyond mere words in a blog could relay. My prayer is that our marriage will speak volumes to the hurting marriages that need encouragement. My prayer is that our marriage will give God glory, the way theirs did.

RIP Pretty Girl & Gentle Spirit

Write ya later! :-)

Let me tell you about my holiday! Girl!!

Ok so anybody who ever had a grandma, big mama, granny, knows you start cooking Thanksgiving dinner early! So that’s what I did. I started my pot of greens Tuesday night. I was feeling a little sick, ears a little achy, pressure in my head. I ignored it because I could still smell the ham hocks boiling (Yes I use pork!). Wednesday, I cooked a little more. Friend Sarcastic came over. By this time, the husband was looking at me cross eyed as he blew his nose. Yes, sadly, I had given him my cold. My eyes were watery, my nose was running, I couldn’t hear out of my right ear. But I kept pressing. I declared, in the middle of my kitchen, with my grey leggings and t-shirt on, my red hair standing on my head looking like a blaze of fire, stirring spoon in one hand and bag of cheese in the other, “Lord Jesus of Nazareth! If you would just let me taste my Thanksgiving dinner, I would serve you for the rest of my days!”. Friend sarcastic, hubby and I sat around the kitchen table and ate and cooked and talked and laughed. She sprayed her invisible Lysol while hubby and I hacked. It was a great time. Thursday morning at 4:30 I woke up, couldn’t breathe. I drug myself down to the kitchen, praying the whole while I was slapping this turkey into shape, just like the ole mothers of your. I then laid on the couch. I woke up to a stuffy hubby, looking at me cross eyed while he blew his nose. I tried to say I’m sorry but it got lost in translation with my cough. He goes “Man! This house smells good!”. I wept. WEPT chile! I COULD NOT SMELL! And if you can’t smell what else can’t you do?! TASTE!  I wept for every taste bud that was handicapped! I wept for the greens that I would not be able to enjoy. I wept for the gooey cheese that laid all cozy against the macaroni. I wept for the yams that had candied with pineapples. I wept for the cranberry sauce that would lay a top my dressing which I had FINALLY perfected. I wept for my dinner!! Lawd Jesus did I weep. Head back, on the couch, tissues all around me, kicking and flailing my arms. A Mess!

I slept most of the Thanksgiving. Hubby woke me up every four hours for meds. My mother called me to see what time we would be at her house. When she heard my voice she said “Well….maybe you should stay home. We can get together another time. You stay on that couch and get completely restored to good health”. Restored to good health? Who talks like that? Hubby took the kids to his mother’s house and came right back home. We were two miserable folk. I was fighting depression, people! And then it was time for dinner. (SIDE NOTE: it is bad enough to be sicker than sick. But when you are so sick, with no taste buds BUT you have an appetite?! WHO DOES THAT? I was starving!) Hubby made my plate. He made his plate. He fixed our drinks. He set it all on the coffee table in front of the couch, with napkins and lit candles. And then he prayed. Melt my heart, why don’t ya? He not only prayed for dinner, but he also prayed for us. He THANKED GOD for putting us in a situation that forced us to spend time alone, he thanked God for me, he thanked God for restoration.

We ate our dinner and watched football. He claimed, proclaimed and praised my feast. (I silently wept). The rest of the evening was spent on the couch. Together. Dozing in and out of congested conscientiousness. During one of the awake moments, he suggested going to see a movie. I said ok. That’s as far as we got. At one point I tried to get off the couch, simply because I heard the faint whisper of Black Friday shopping calling my name. He told me to lay back down. I had no energy to plead my case, so I did what I was told.

It was days like Thanksgiving that made realize not only why I fell in love with him, but also why I fell back in love with him. Why I was willing to fight instead of flee for us. It made me thankful that I trusted God more than I acted on my own instinct and feelings. Thanksgiving day was the best of times and the worst of circumstances. And I wouldn’t have had it any other way. Well…..maybe I would’ve had working taste buds.

Write ya later! :-)

November is the month everyone gets into the spirit of thankfulness. Add to that the devastation on the East Coast that we see on our televisions and thankfulness runs a muck on social sites. Admittedly these things did jump start my thankfulness. I have been encouraging everyone to state one thing that they are thankful for. Everyone’s go to is “He woke me up this morning” which is important. But I would like for us to go past the cliche. I made a board to put in my kitchen, which is my home’s hub. On it I pasted the words GOD WE ARE THANKFUL. Each day, usually after dinner, we each write on a post it, something we are thankful for, and stick it on the board. We started it this summer, and picked it back up recently. My intent was to remind my children that we have many reasons to be thankful. It ended up being a reminder for all of us!

Today I expressed thankfulness for my marriage. I don’t think I have ever been thankful for my marriage. I have been thankful that my marriage has made it this far, for the reconciliation of my marriage. But in the moment I was composing my email to IRON I realized I am thankful for every nook and cranny of my marriage.It’s molding into a Godly woman, and him a Godly man.

Marriage is not easy. In fact it is hard plus some! It is not for the weary, for the puny, for the punks, the weaklings, the spineless. It takes lots of guts with very little glory! But the more that hubster and I learn, and apply, the more I realize the greatness that can come from it! I am sure that openly saying I am thankful for my marriage the good the bad and the ugly, buts a bullseye on my weakest parts for the enemy to come in. After almost every post that I make that even remotely makes my marriage look a little good, the enemy does rear his ugly head with the intent of havoc. He can have it. I don’t want it. I want my marriage. And wherever God has us is where I am content to be. My marriage is covered under His blood and no weapon, big or small, whether shiny, enticing, old traps, new temptations, formed against my marriage shall prosper.

This growing, maturation season is for a reason. It has often hurt, it rarely looked good, it hasn’t felt good. However, in this season, and in every season to come for my marriage, this girl is thankful!

There are aches and pains in every marriage. And I am willing to bet everyone has at one point thought “This crap right here? Is not for me! I’m out!”. Please push past those moments. That is not God’s intent, for you to give up so easily! Choose today to be thankful.

Psalms 100:4-5 Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name. For the Lord is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations

Write ya later! :-)

1Peter 5:10 says “In his kindness God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus. So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation.”

Some friends and I are reading Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyers (please go read it!) and were discussing it. A sis mentioned that the enemy studies us. Think about that for a moment. I am back in school where I am re-acquainting myself with this term. To say that the enemy studies us means that he watches and makes notes, learns and memorizes us. That is precisely how he knows how to hit us. He couldn’t tempt me with drugs. I am simply not interested. That is not a weakness for me and God bless you if it is yours. He can hit me with insecurities in my marriage, because I have those. I suffer with those insecurities. And when those old feeling surface I struggle with what to do. Thank you Jesus that what the enemy has to study, God has known since the beginning of time. He knows the hairs on my head, He knows the feelings in my heart and He knows the areas I suffer in. He has also given me armor to use, verses to read, and faith to lean on!

Verses 8 & 9 talk about how the enemy seeks whom he may devour. And it commands us to resist him. If I resist those attacks that he has for me, I can attain the promises HE has for me! He will restore me. Support me. Strengthen me. And place me on a firm foundation! To me that say that going through suffering is worth it. That’s good news!

I’m taking a theology class. Last weeks discussion was about the ‘why’s’ of suffering. It was interesting to hear others opinions. Some blamed God, some didn’t believe God existed because what kind of God would allow suffering. I took the Biblical route as much as possible, stating that God’s original intent for man was not to suffer. He created pefect beings for a perfect world. But with satan the snake, Eve the gullible and Adam the man with no spine (JOKE!), the fall of man happened, thereby introducing sin and suffering.

*SIDENOTE* I have often said that Eve should have to stand outside the pearly gates until the last female soul has given her a piece of her mind. We should be allowed to throw fruit at her head. Menstrual cramps, menstrual cycles, contractions, birth pains, itchy c-section scars, epidural pain ten years later, yeast infections! I would have to handle her, repent one last time, then skip on in to eternity and have myself counted in the number! Suffering! Like when one contraction flows into the next and the pimply anesthesiologist tells you to be still. “Scuse me you prepubescent boy, but there is a wave of pain coursing through my entire body right now. A corner of it would kill you! So maybe you just need to GIVE ME A MINUTE! You can get back to your chicken salad sandwich when I’m done being superwoman!” It’s a good thing that hospital didn’t sue me when I grabbed that guy. :-)

We will all suffer with something. No one is exempt. Questioning why, in my humble opinion, is pointless and will cause your ultimate insanity. His thoughts are not our thoughts. The better question is what are we going to do with our suffering. Part of the reason for this blog is the hope that I will help others get through the difficulty of adultery. It’s not fun writing these (most of the time). But it will always be worth it when I constantly have others inboxing me their gratitude, sharing their similar stories, declaring that they are encourage. Before it’s all said and done, 1 Peter 5:10 will be my testimony. Hang in there sister. It will be your’s as well.

Write ya later! :-)

Having a hard time. In the past month, my family has dealt with a death, celebrated our 10 year anniversary, only to stop speaking after a fight. We have watched our oldest son take some tumbles in class, only to redeem himself very well (he brought home an A on his math test and a B on his social studies test). We have watched God make financial provision when things looked very bleak. We have listened to our boys laugh, we have felt their hugs, but can’t muster up enough to offer even a grumble of a good morning to each other. This is the ultimate definition of back and forth. A part of me blames the enemy. He saw what we were on the verge of. He saw how we banded together before, but especially after the death. He saw the path we were on leading up to our anniversary. He heard the prayers that we prayed over each other that day. He felt the commitment in our hearts. He heard our beginning stages of conversation about starting a ministry. He saw what we on the verge of, probably better than we. He threw the monkey wrench and we fell for the trap. On the other hand, I blame us. How many times does one fool have to fall for the same trick before said fool finds a solution?! It becomes ridiculous. And embarrassing. And it causes doubt.

I’m a bad blogger today. I have no Bible Verse. No words of wisdom. Just a plea from my heart to yours. Protect your marriage at all costs. Don’t follow in my footsteps. Follow God. I know that God has a plan. And I know that I will not give up. It’s not in my nature, God didn’t tell me to, and He won’t let me anyway. I’ll live to fight another day. God had a plan for the Israelites. But because of disobedience, hard hearts, murmuring and complaining…sin, it took them 40 years to get to where He wanted them to be in the first place. A quick trip turned into 40 years. Don’t take the long way when dealing with God’s plan for your life and your marriage. Learn the lessons He has for you and move on to the next. Don’t play church and don’t play with God.

And not to depress you, remember, as I have to remind myself, God is able and His will, will be done. He will protect me, He will set me up in due time. And in times of sorrow or joy or indifference, I will praise Him. Because He is good!

I’ll be back tomorrow with something good. Promise!

Write ya later! :-)

We were able to take the kids to an indoor water park last week and they had a ball! It was the first time we all went away together as a family. While husband and I did manage to butt heads, overall it was a good vacay, and the inspiration for this blog!

One of the activities for the kids was to cross the pool on four lily-pad circles. There is a rope above the pads in case the kids need assistance. Most kids flew through this course, sliding over all four pads to reach other other side. Or they hopped for pad to pad effortlessly. Some used the ropes and made it across. And then there was my youngest. He is 7, but to me he is still my baby. He could not get across! He would get to the last pad and end up falling in the water. My oldest, one of the ones who did it with ease, would try to encourage him from the edge of the pool, but even he grew weary of watching him get stuck every time. Only one person can go through at a time, so he held the line up often. On his second to last time, after getting stuck and holding up the line for a good ten minutes, he sank into the water, pulled himself out over the edge. I watched as he put on a brave face for all the kids around him. He took his time walking over to me, and I thought “uh oh”. Everyone thought he was fine but I knew differently. When he got to me I did the usual mommy thing of “Hey man! You did great! I am so proud of you!”, all the while knowing what was coming. The tears. And they came hard as he buried his face in my chest, with his fist clenched as he expressed how disappointed he was that he just couldn’t do it. I knew what was going on inside of him, because I know his personality (competitive, achiever, athletic) but also because I know how to read him. I know my child.

Ironically, here is an excerpt of an email I sent out to my Iron group before I left for the vacay:

Good Morning Ladies!
In my prayer time this morning I couldn’t get off of marriages, specifically ours I have to stay obedient and share what was laid on my heart. If it don’t apply, let it fly, but if it does, please take note.
Often times in the beginning of my marriage, I put mommyhood before wifeyness, which I now realize was a mistake. But I hafta say, my mommyhood was on point. To this day, I know my kids better than I know myself. I have studied them, I know their quirks, habits, their likes and dislikes, I can instantly tell when something is wrong, I know when they are full of joy and when they are just faking a smile. I know them. Not just because I love them, but also to protect them. In a world where children are abused and molested, neglected and threatened not to tell, I have made it my business that they are my business. If something is amiss, I know. Whether they just left grandma’s house, the school bus, or children’s church, mommy is on it. And they are keenly aware that mommy loves them! I am never short on hugs, kisses, attention, meaningless conversations about nothing (I once had a convo with my oldest about BATTERIES!! I thought I was gone stab myself in the eardrums!)
The same needs to be true with my relationship with my husband. Even more so in fact because he should come first. Most men will not sit their wives down and say “I feel lost in my career”, or “I don’t feel appreciated or valued at home”. (The only thing they will sit you down and talk about is lack of sex! Serious denamug!) They don’t communicate like that. They are taught to bottle it up. But there are signs! And the only way to pick up on the signs and read them accurately is to know him. Really know him. I recently had a convo with a woman he relayed a convo she had with her brother. He said a man may feel the weight of the world on his shoulders but never say a word to his wife about it. Suffer in silence. But his demeanor will have subtle changes. And most wives, so consumed with the hustle and bustle of career, meals, bills, kids and everyday things, may not pick up on it. Meanwhile some jezebel somewhere, will. And with a simple “hi”, become much more available to “talk”, than the wife. And talking leads to sharing which leads to emotional affairs which leads to physical affairs. And should this happen, that crap is on him. I am not implying that the wife should hang her head in shame. He is in charge of his own emotions and where he lays his pee pee! His affair is on his head! I am however implying that we should be diligent in protecting our marriages as best we can! Letting him know that you appreciate him, being there to listen when he does want to to talk, praying over/with him. And of course, sex. Some friends and I always joke, “He acting crazy. He must be having pms. Let’s see, when was the last time we had sex.” But I kind of realized this am that is a dangerous game to play. We can’t let it get to that point. Just like we want them to be sensitive to our needs, we have to be sensitive to theirs. If he is not initiating the dates, you plan one. Or make a list of fun, cost effective things to do together. Or get rid of the kids for a couple of hours and spend some time alone at home. I have had to learn to plan to the family days, AND the dates, instead of sulking because he didn’t. Because both are important. And now, he has started to plan things.
We have to be that soft, sexy, cushy place for them to fall, to feel safe, to share with. Believe me I know it is difficult, esp when you think they are stupid, or made some pitiful choices, etc. But God does not call us to act as wives based on how we feel! The rules don’t change because we are mad, or when they make us happy. We are their wives and we must do our parts. The more we routinely behave the way God desires in our marriages, the greater God will bless our marriages, and grace our husbands with behaviors we need from them (ie quality time!). And because of our steadfast obedience, our homes will be blessed, our children will thrive, our marriages will blossom, and our husbands will be more encouraged to step into the roles God has for him. Speak the favor of God, over every aspect of your life, over your children and over your husband. And when you are in a mood, because of him (ugh!), or life or whatever, ask for grace to make it through the day, and grace to be the wife He has called you to be. Grace is God’s ability to help and empower. James 4:6 says that God will give more grace when you humble yourselves. Asking for help from God is a sign of humility. Use it! Ask and ye shall receive!

Now for those of you who are in discovery/recovery mode, after your spouse’s adultery, honey this does not apply to you. I remember those days all to well and between my rage and my pain/angst, somebody woulda got their feelings hurt, talking this stuff to me! You are not in a space to know your husband or protect your husband. You’re in the space of getting reacquainted with Christ and figuring out your game plan. So sis this not for you! But I do pray peace over your situation! Hang in there, it does get better! But hey girl, the one who is in the throes of restoration, you got work to do. Homework! Work at home! On your marriage. Get to know your man! And a lil action while you study ain’t neva hurt nobody! Wink wink!

Write you later! :-)

PS: After my mommy encouragement with my youngest, we went back over to the lily pads, hand in hand. I stood at the end of the pool and encouraged him. He took forever and a day, (believe me I was gone yank whichever body made a big deal of the 20 minutes he took on those things!), but guess what? He made it all the way across!

So I’m on the highway headed home Thursday night, anticipating my hot date! The hubby told me to get dressed all snazzy like for a grown up date. WHOOP WHOOP! I went through my “sexy dress Rolodex” mentally, trying to find the perfect dress. SN: is it just me, or do you all automatically think “I have to go shopping” when you have to dress up? I was about to make a pit stop somewhere to find a dress…..and shoes….and a clutch. In today’s struggle of bills and back to school shopping that would not have been wise! That would have been a fight! But I digress. I did not go shopping. Friend best and friend sarcastic helped select a dress, shoes, bag, I was good. I just needed to get home. The selecting of the outfit was only half the battle, as you ladies understand. There was still the issue of the shower/shave, selection of the perfect undergarments (no spanx that night!) curling of the hair, etc.

Back to my car ride: I had my Pandora station set to gospel, remembering all the lessons about “what you put in comes out”! It’s important!!  So anyway, a song using the same Bible verse I used on my blog home page Isaiah 61:3  comes on, so I’m jamming and singing. Towards the middle of the song they keep singing hallelujah over and over. The song put me in the mood to praise! My praise has been on a “for who you are” instead of “for what you have done” type praise lately. So I got my high praise to a great song, thanking God that He is God, on my way to prepare for a hot date, no kids, I know where both my shoes are (earlier post) and guess where I’m headed? Straight into a storm!

This was a not a summer time pitter patter rain, honey, I said Storm! The sky got dark. It was only 6ish in the evening but it felt like 11pm. The wind was so strong it blew my little SUV into the next lane a couple of times. The rain was like a sheet in front of my windshield. Drivers could barely see the tail lights in front of them. The sky would light up momentarily as lightening struck, like someone quickly turned on a light in a pitch black room, only to turn it back off mere seconds later. Thunder boomed, demanding everyone’s attention. I’ve driven in rain storms, thunderstorms, blizzards. I ain’t no punk on this road, but this storm had all the makings for scary! We all ended up doing the creepy crawl on the highway with our flashers going. Of course there were some fools who sped through. But for the most part we were all cautionary.

I couldn’t help but form this blog in my head as I inched towards safety. Life’s storms are just like real storms. Sometimes you watch the storm build, other storms come out of nowhere leaving you blindsided. In this instance, I saw signs that something was brewing but tried my darndest to ignore it. So much for that! Most all storms seem unbearable, or at the very least, a nuisance. I only drove in that storm for about 10 minutes. While I was in it though, it felt like forever. Time seemed to have slowed down while I was in it. Much like the spiritual storms I have encountered. ESPECIALLY this last one. I have spent much time in prayer asking God “how long will you keep me here?!” I have wept angry tears, felt abandoned and forsaken. I liken the ones who have done me wrong to the cars who sped past me in the storm. I would cry “why is is that this storm doesn’t affect them?! Why are they moving on past me and I am still listening to the thunder?!” No one stopped to see if I was okay. A couple of things I didn’t understand that I do now:

1. I was stuck in the storm, but I had shelter. I was in my car. In my spiritual storm, for as bad as things seemed, they could have been much worse. God saw fit to allow me in the storm, with a hedge of protection around me. I shudder to think what colossal drops of rain could have damaged me, had I not been hidden under the roof of the car. I won’t allow my thoughts to wander to what would have happened if the wind had been any stronger, what it would have done to my car, and to me. Isaiah 4:6 says “It will be a shelter and shade from the heat of the day, and a refuge and hiding place from the storm and rain.”

2. I was stuck in the storm but I wasn’t alone. There were times when I felt alone but God was always there. Had I taken the time to not focus on the panic but on Christ I would have realized that. It is so easy, so human, to hear the thunder and see the lightening and allow fear to dictate our feelings. Our feelings are fleeting and sometimes foolish. What is forever is God’s word. It doesn’t change. Ahd He said He would never leave me nor forsake me. Even in my storms, my darkest moments, He is there waiting for me realize it. Deuteronomy 31:6 says “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”

3. I was stuck in the storm but praise would get me through. I didn’t turn off my Sunday Go To meeting Pandora, instead I turned it up. Music that encourages me and reminds of who God is, what He can do, what He wants for me. Music that inspires me to stay the course, even in the storm. Praise reminds us to keep our eyes on Christ, not on the circumstances. Praise reminds us who is charge of the storms. Matthew 8:27 says “The men were amazed, and said, “What kind of a man is this, that even the winds and the sea obey Him?”

4. I was stuck in this storm and I could not worry about who was passing me up. Romans 12:19 says “Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. I don’t think any further explanation is needed.

Slow and steady, I stayed on the road. Like I said, it was only for about ten minutes, but while in it, it felt like a few eternities. I made it off the highway and guess what was waiting for me as I turned onto the first main street? Sunshine!! I opened the windows and a warm breeze flowed in. I turned down the music just a little and I could hear birds. Believe me, storms are not forever. And after, there is sunshine!

Psalms 30:5 For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.

Write ya later! :-)

PS. It was a GREAT date night!

Earlier this year, God laid some things on my heart in dealing with other women. Not THEE other women (groupies and harlots), but other women like me, married, Christian and trying. I began to look through my phone and He pointed out the women to target. I sent out a text that said something like “I’m starting a wife challenge. You in?”. I got every response from “well, what do I have to do”, to “I’ll think about it” to “YES!”. The group started off small, only about 5 or so. I sat in front of the computer and said “Ok God, what do I say?”. And it began to pour. Much of the things that I have shared with you, about what I believe the Bible says is the purpose of marriage. How the enemy tries, by any means necessary, to destroy family because that is destroying our biggest testimony. If our relationship should reflect Christ love for the church, and if we are supposed to raise our little ones to love God so much they live for Him, grow up and continue in the tradition of marriage, how giddy is the enemy when we stop talking, abuse each other, divorce and raise angry children who grow up to be angry adults who have a distorted view of everything? The enemy will attack the husband, probably first. Why do I think that? Because the husband is the head of the household! And where the head goes the body is sure to follow. So if his attitude is not right, the whole house will eventually follow suite (if they are not careful). If he is not under the leadership of Christ he will make very bad decisions, and the whole house pays the consequences for it.

So started our challenge. A week long of ways to uplift our husbands. We each submitted an idea and we all had to fulfill the goal, then come back to the email and talk about it. I was excited. This small group of women didn’t all know each other. And they all had outside forces working against chatting through email, and following through on a dare. One was pregnant, I think I was sick, a couple were not talking to their husbands, one husband was out of town. Yet here we all were, sharing intimate things. Instant trust was formed in our little group. We laughed and cried through those emails.

We have had four challenges so far and our group has grown to ten women! That might not seem like much but to me it is and I love it. It’s small enough that we aren’t mixing women and their stories up, but it’s not so small. It’s more than two or three gathered. We were recently able to all get together (minus one :-( ) for dinner and it was great. Every woman was able to put a face with a name. And as we sat down and talked, we realized who had what in common with who, who was planning to start a family, the newlywed is now a new mommy and she shared from a delirious point of view what that was like. Friend best is now a first lady!! So many conversations, so much to share, so much to learn. “What would you do if..”, “How would you handle…”, “I am struggling with…”, “My husband never…” was all met with love and scripture, and because friend sarcastic was there, a lot of laughter. It was just awesome. The biggest reason being is that God brought these women together. Single friends would not understand the things that we go through and share. They would not understand trying to submit to our husbands, or dealing with unruly step-children the proper way, or sacrificing for the sake of our families. Unsaved friends would not understand the need to walk through our homes and pray, to lay hands on our children and pray, or wanting and trying to do right, even when we feel we are being done wrong. But these women, as different as we all are, are like-minded enough in our desire to please God with our lives and in our marriages/families.

After the first challenge I thought maybe it was just a fluke. I was timid in my approach for the second one because I didn’t want to get on anyone’s nerves or become a nuisance with my ideas. I didn’t want to lose friends by being overbearing. However I stayed obedient to what God told me to do. I asked Him to use me in this when really all I wanted to do was hide under the table! I guess it’s time to put my big girl panties on. He keeps pulling me from under the table and telling me to stand up. Our challenge now is sharing a scripture and breaking it down to a personal level, applying it to our everyday lives. The wisdom that is pouring out of these emails is amazing. Oh Wise One thanked me for starting this “ministry”. I began to sweat at the sound of that word. Ministry comes with too much responsibility, and frankly too much drama. She explained that ministry is “the spiritual work of any Christian…or the act of ministering to…”. So ok yeah….whatever. I want to run from that word like I want to hide under the table but I gotta admit, I love what God is doing!

This group reminds me of Proverbs 27:17 “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another”. People need people. Everyone needs others to keep them on the right path, to encourage and to reprimand when necessary. This life, the Christian life was not meant to walk alone. While I am glad I have my husband and our children to keep me grounded and in prayer, I am also glad for the camaraderie and sharpening I get from my sisters.

Write ya later! :-)

Every marriage has to find it’s groove. What works for one may not work for another. There are marriages that have stay at home dads, while others wouldn’t dare entertain the mere idea of the man staying home while the wife works. Some wives bring in a larger income than the husbands, while other husbands will work fifteen jobs, making a whole two cent more than his wife, all in the name of who makes more. Some men don’t cook or clean and it is deemed okay, while the wife solely tends to the needs of the home and her family. There are many different ways to skin a cat, as long as the cat is skinned. I have always made my husband’s plate and some woman have looked at me like I was crazy! On the other hand, when I am swamped my husband will with no prompting, make the kids plates, and/or my plate. In this same setting I have watched other husbands NOT lift a finger as a the wife fixes EVERYONE’S plates. Every couple needs to find what works for them. But also to be open to changes in the rhythm. I have learned to never say what I would not deal with it. Simply put, until you have been presented with a situation, you really don’t know how you will react. Circumstances around the situation can altar your response. (holla!) I recently had a conversation with a mother in my neighborhood who said her and her husband learned long ago that he would not be a hands on dad. He would, however, hand over the checkbook so that she could do things with the kids, and shop for herself. For the most part she is okay with it, but finds it hard that she is the only one cooking meals (ie:takeout). She doesn’t ask him to come to the pool for family time like other fathers, because he would show up in a shirt and tie and stand (read: hover) with his arms folded the whole time, totally unrelaxed. To each his own.

These are all just examples of some things husbands and wives need to find balance on. We can certainly add to the list children: if we should have them, when we should have them, how to raise them. Finances, investments, job opportunities, buying a home, decorating a home, what’s for dinner. It all comes with discussion and compromise. But some things are not for compromise, some things are not up for discussion. God clearly defined the foundation for marriage. It is important to respect it, live it, and not dare not re-write it. 

Matthew 7:24-27 MSG says “These words I speak to you are not incidental additions to your life, homeowner improvements to your standard of living. They are foundational words, words to build a life on. If you work these words into your life, you are like a smart carpenter who built his house on solid rock. Rain poured down, the river flooded, a tornado hit—but nothing moved that house. It was fixed to the rock. But if you just use my words in Bible studies and don’t work them into your life, you are like a stupid carpenter who built his house on the sandy beach. When a storm rolled in and the waves came up, it collapsed like a house of cards.” Take God’s words seriously, and what you are building (your marriage) will stand against the storms. We have to live what God says!

Ecclesiastes 4:12 says “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”. Who do you think that third cord is? Jesus! You have to keep His presence in the middle of you and your spouse. If he isn’t there, who will take His place? The enemy. And that is when you will realize the meaning of “all hell breaking loose”. Avoid that, and be obedient to God. His roles for us are clear. There are many scriptures that encourage wives to submit to the husbands. And there are many scriptures that encourage the husbands to love their wives, specifically, the way Christ loves the church. That is a sacrificial love. I encourage you to read Ephesians 5:21-33. I like the Message Bible Version best.

It takes time to figure things out in marriage because marriage is taking two personalities and blending them into one. I make smoothies a lot for my oldest child and myself. The fruit, and ice and liquid all sits in it’s own form in the blender. It doesn’t magically become “smoothie consistency”. If left alone the ice would melt into the liquid, altering the taste. The fruit would rot, becoming slimy and stinky, also altering the taste. But when the blender is turned on, the blades chop the chunks up and mix it into the liquids, forming deliciousness. (Guess what I’m making when I get home?). Without the works of the blender, it is just ingredients in a container. With the blender, it becomes what the chef intended. Without God as the head, faith in Jesus and the working of the Holy Spirit in our lives, we are just two individuals becoming rotten in the blender. With God, we are what He called our marriage to be.

God offers things by way of the blender. His Word, church, The Holy Spirit, who convicts us when needed. He puts people in our way to help further us on our Christian journey. Sometimes it will hurt. And it will cut. Hebrews 4:12 says “For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.”. But the end result is well worth the blending process.

Ephesians 5:21 says “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”.  Use what God gave you to define and respect the roles in your home!

Write ya later! :-)

Batman. Superman. Spiderman. The Hulk. Thor. Captain America. The list of comic book superheroes is long. They all have different “powers” or techniques that help them to save their city, the world, the planet. Yesterday I saw Batman (clearly my inspiration), and my mind kept going to the spiritual.

In all of these movies, the superhero has some opposition, usually someone or something that he was unaware of, until attacked. He then needs to study said opposition and get his game plan to attack, conquer, annihilate his enemy. This never goes right at first. The superhero usually loses the first time around and has to go back to the drawing board, as many times necessary. Meanwhile the city, world , planet is slowly losing it’s grip on it’s morals and slipping further and further into degradation. Or it’s being plumeted into the ocean. There is always that one character that believes that the superhero will save the day. It doesn’t matter what state things are in. Bridges could blow up, sink holes, floods and fires. Beasts and bad guys and monsters take over, sirens sound all day and night. The place looks like hell on earth, but there is someone with unwavering faith that the superhero will make everything all right. He has done it before and he will do it again.

While I understand that the story line is pure fiction and there is no masked, caped hero soaring through the skies while we sleep, keeping us safe. We have something better than fiction. Wouldn’t it be pure awesomeness if we could remember that we do have a God that sits high, looks low, sees all, and is concerned about us, wants the best for us? When all hell is breaking loose in our lives, when we feel flooded and overwhelmed, when the sirens are sounding and storms won’t let up. When there is death all around us. Destruction, corruption, when everything is giving us every reason to give up. I know I am not the only one that has felt like this! When you look around and think, what is the point? When you can’t get out of bed without thinking what is the point? That is when hope and faith should kick in, instead of despair and desperation. Despair and desperation will cause you to do some crazy, wrong things. They will cause you walk outside of the will of God. It will cause you to lose focus. It will cause you to be wayward, to forsake your beliefs.

But if we could instead focus on God. He brought me out of worse situations before, He can do it again. We can face the world crumbling all around me when we remember who holds the world in the palm of His hand! And if we are in the valley, He will provide shelter from the rain. And if we’re caught in the rain, He won’t let us drown. If we could remember His goodness and His faithfulness and His steadfastness. If we could remember that He wrote then end and in it we win, that He is the author and finisher of my life. If we can look back on our Christian life and know that we strive to live for Him, that our hearts yearn to please Him, then our faith in Jesus should be bigger and better than any character’s faith in a superhero. Superheroes try, God does. Superheroes don’t know what trouble lurks in the corner. God allows it. Superheroes fail. God never fails.

Instead of trembling with fear under the pressures of your situation, please realize that God’s got you. Romans 8:28 says “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” Trust that!

Write ya later! :-)

Hi friends! I know it’s been a while. Sorry!

As you know this is the time of year I was dreading. It was a year ago I found out about her (ugh…may the Lord bless her ratchet soul). It was a year ago my life built with the hubs (crappy as it was), was found dead on the front lawn, murdered by a thief in the night, assisted by myself and the husband. A year ago I found out he was cheating. It was something that I had to mourn. It’s inexplicable, I guess. He certainly didn’t get it. To him I was celebrating something bad. I can understand his point of view. He’s not cheating anymore, he is a new man in Christ, and we have a bright future to move into.

But this “a year ago” wasn’t about him. It wasn’t about his feelings or his thoughts or his opinions. I don’t say that to be mean or to devalue him in any way. But me having to look back at myself, back to to blog number one is not about him. The smoking griddle, hitting the tree with my hand, screaming in the phone to friend best (I thought about this and laughed: She was without  car at the time, but she was so distraught she was going to take the train to my side of town, just to sit with  me…probably cuz I was on suicidal/homicidal watch. I had to calmly remind her that was not a good idea, because there was no stop by my house!). Me trying to keep a straight, normal face in front of my kids, how my heart tried its hardest to beat out of my chest. Too many things to recount.

I wasn’t trying to punish him or push him away or push us back to a tortuous time. But at times that’s how it appeared and arguments occurred. And in the midst of all of this guess who kept showing up at church, may the Lord bless her ratchet soul? It made me wonder, everyone always has these clever sayings of “You can’t move forward if you keep looking behind you”. SO deep, right? To them I ask, what do you do if the ‘behind you’ keeps jumping in front of you, may the Lord bless her ratchet soul? THEY have no answer.

Eventually, I had to look in the mirror and give that cutie pie a run down of some things she may have forgotten. Mostly, things I have shared with you all, all my lessons learned. God is in control. And He loves me so much that He allowed all of the pain to bring me closer to Him. I’ve watched Him perform a miracle. He took a marriage, dead, ridden in sin, wallowing in despair, hate, angst and He changed it. The same resurrecting power that was used to raise Jesus from the dead, resurrected my marriage, and now lives in me and him. There is SO MUCH AWESOMENESS in that statement! I should celebrate that the old is dead, so the new could emerge!

A year ago yesterday, it had been 2 days since I found out. The first official day he wasn’t going to sleep at home. To keep up the routine for the kids we still went to see the fireworks. While the kids ran around waiting for the show to began we sat in chairs with enough space to fit IT’S OVER comfortably between us. We didn’t talk because you can’t really scream “eff you” in a crowd full of strangers, and that’s all the conversation I had for him (it got worse but eff you is my pg version). We didn’t acknowledge each other. We were just as much strangers to each other as everyone else there was to us. I text friend best my hurt. I remember texting “I wonder where I will be this time next year”. She responded “Wherever you are you will be fierce”. My response “Well duh! I meant, will I even be in the same city, what will I be doing…”. I was scared to say “Will it be my weekend with the kids or his? Will he be with her?”…things like that. She text back encouraging things as she was known to do during that time. I fought back tears because I’ll be doggone if he saw a tear fall, and I smiled when the kids ran to show me fire flies and gross outdoor things. I smiled when they asked me to watch their race and I passed out snacks when they said they were hungry. And when the fire works started I was unamused. I couldn’t give a witch’s watusi bout some color in the sky, I was struggling something serious!! When we got back home I kept the kids entertained while he grabbed a couple items and dashed back out to the car to began his single life. How nice for him! (sarcasm) And finally as the house quieted for the night, I laid face down in my pillow and I cried. The next day I would have to see Minister for the first time, find a lawyer, face my brother, construct a plan b for my life. But at that moment, all I could do was drown in my tears (it was that deep cry too, the kind where you can’t catch your breath, you can’t see, can’t hear…).

I’m painting a picture of despair for a reason: that’s what it was. I didn’t know God had a different plan. I was too busy pleading my case: strike the husband down, take the pain away, and help me accept thisplan.

A Year Later….my mother, unaware of the significance of the dates, wanted to keep the kids for a couple of days. The two days that last year I cried and suffered, a year later I laughed! We had so much fun!! We set out on a adventure downtown, we planned for the beach but it rained all day! We went grocery shopping and ended up in the house with delicious meals (HE COOKED!), just he and I. We slept in (THANK YOU JESUS), we hung out, we had fun! Two days just he and I. On the fourth of July (the third day of kidlessness), we visited friends and family, at our leisure. And that night what did we do? Picked up the kids and onto the fireworks!! What a difference a year with God makes!! This year we laid out blankets (instead of chairs far apart) and the four of us stretched out together and watched the show. Last year we were separated in every sense of the word. This year you couldn’t separate us if you tried! The kids feel the difference. I can feel them relax, because we are relaxed. I took in the moment to be thankful. I wanted to soak in every bit of everything!!I watched lightening stretch across the sky in all directions, lighting better than the fireworks. I felt the husbands heart beat into my back as I rested in his chest, my two babies resting on me, oohing and awing with excitement. I even felt the mosquitoes try and fail (s/o to skin so soft bug repellent!).  My story could have ended in so many ways, but God saw fit to honor the desires of my heart. He brought us right back to the same place, with the same activity, but with a different mindset! A different hearts. Same bodies, but totally different people. This time felt right.

After the show, we got slushi’s and went HOME. TOGETHER. We all did our nighttime rituals and got in bed. When I got in my bed, guess who climbed in with me? Hubster! This year I buried my face somewhere in his arm, instead of my pillow. Instead of watching the clock, I had sweet sleep. And instead of tears, snores. :-)

My family, my marriage, my husband, myself have all been tested greatly this year. We have hit some mighty lows. There have been many hard times and we have not always hit the mark. But our hearts are bent towards Him. And our desire is to align our will with His. And I have to say, considering it all, I believe He is pleased. We are not perfect but we are striving. Hubby and I talked quietly during the show, expressing how we felt. Out of respect, I wont share, but like I said, He is pleased. I’m glad that I was obedient and stayed. Like I said I know had I left, God would have still protected me, I would have been well within my rights. He would not have let my kids and I fall. But I chose the route that was hard for me. And somewhere on that road my relationship with Christ grew! My biggest blessing is going to come from my obedience to Him and my desire to please Him.

Now if someone would get on the organ I would now like to sing. You will need to figure out my key…sorry *taps mic*….IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII Know I been changed…..

Write ya later!

Over the weekend I spoke with a young sister who is separated from her husband. It hurt me but also angered me. Why won’t the enemy leave them alone? They are a young couple with young children who now have to be shipped from house to house while mommy and daddy figure things out. I asked her was she seeking God and she said yes. I don’t know the details of the separation, who did what when where and why. And I don’t need to know. I told her that I would be praying for them and encouraged her to stay on her face before the Lord, so that her decisions would be Holy Ghost led, rather than by emotions. I also encouraged her to cover her husband in prayer because he needs it, especially while he is out on his own. There are too many temptations and pitfalls for husbands, young husbands, who may be filled with more frustrations than we know. He is open game for the enemy, who seeks to steal kill and destroy (John 10:10). The husband is always going to get attacked. If the enemy can crack the head, the body will fall apart. And then he has won over a family that would otherwise be Team Jesus.

The husband and I had a talk yesterday, that somehow led to the topic of praying for each other. I don’t think husbands and wives realize just how powerful our prayers are in regards to each other. We are the epitome of intercessors for each other. We literally STAND IN THE GAP for each other. Example: If I am an alcoholic, I may not want to change. I may be so far gone in this sin that I have convinced myself that I am right, it is ok. My mind is so twisted that I twist the truth to fit my carnal desires. All of this will lead to me destroying my life, tainting the lives of my children, destroying my marriage, destroying my opportunity to live for Christ. I would not be a witness to God’s goodness. My sin of alcoholism not only affects me, but those close to me, and may even stretch to people I don’t know. It is a domino affect of destruction. But if my spouse sees my downward spiral, he can go before God, on my behalf. We are one, so he has authority to go before God for me, when I can’t or when I won’t. Him praying for my conviction and strength to stop drinking holds the same weight as if I prayed that prayer for myself. BECAUSE WE ARE ONE! He has the right over my life and I over his. Ephesians 5:28-29 talks about husbands loving their wives like they love themselves. Why? Because we are one!

Sometimes we can see things in our spouses that they can’t see for themselves.  We see the detrimental direction that they may be headed, we see the stress they are under, even when they say everything is fine, we sense the demon of lust, that might cause them to fall into an adulterous way. That is one of the good things about having a partner! Someone to have your back. I want my husband to cover me in prayer at all times! 1 Thessalonians 5:17 instructs us to pray without ceasing. That means on the good days, when things appear ok and everyone is in love and the sun is shining brightly and the kids are behaving and the dog is not barking and all the fish are alive and Stevie Wonder is playing in the background. It also means that when you and your spouse don’t see eye to eye on anything and the refrigerator is bare and the car broke down and the kids keep fussing and the dog keeps barking and nothing is going right! Pray! Cover your spouse in prayer!

In one of my more recent post I talked about walking through my whole house, with a bottle of oil, bruised pride and a mountain of faith that God was going to do something. Rebuking and binding any and everything that was not of God. That is no exaggeration! I cried out to God like He was the only one that could fix things. There have been many times that I have fasted for my marriage, for my husband. I have done what I had to do, through my prayers, my supplication and my marriage to cover my marriage. And then I had faith that God would move. I have had enough common sense to know that He would move in His time. And I had hope that He would sustain us until things became right. I didn’t have time or nerve to sit and say I’m tired. I said it while I was on my face in prayer! I confessed the anger I had for husband for even putting me in the position of praying solo for us while he was out living life. I was also angry because, who was covering me? (I had to cover myself).

Praying for your spouse through all things is one of the most selfless acts possible. It is putting their needs above our earthly feelings. I literally had to beseech God to protect my husband in the physical but also in the spiritual, to cover him and bring him back to God and restore him, even though I was mad, hurt and felt like giving up. Even though my flesh told me he deserved pain, agony, suffering, I didn’t allow that to infiltrate my prayer life. I knew that he needed to be restored and we needed to be restored. And keep in mind, this was before I knew of the affair. I just knew things were not right! John 14:11-14 says in summary that if you have faith, then ask what you will in Jesus name and it will be given to you. If you ask (prayer) for your marriage, and have the faith that God will do the unthinkable, the impossible in your marriage in your spouse and in yourself, then He will. Just be patient and trust Him. But don’t ever forget the cover!

Write ya later! :-)